I would like to take a moment from my somewhat irregular tour of the mainland sims to offer the followers on both my Twitter accounts and the small readership of this blog a full and unreserved apology. This is offered because it has recently come to my attention that for the past three years I have in fact.. been using social media incorrectly.
As you may or may not know tweeting offers all of us the freedom to express thoughts and opinions in one hundred and forty characters or less and blogging offers the same on a far larger scale. Since I began tweeting and blogging I have used the services in a variety of ways. I’ve tweeted and blogged my own thoughts and opinions, sometimes insightful but mostly inane. I’ve tweeted links to articles and blog posts that have interested me and links to my own blog posts for shameless self publicity. I’ve followed people from across the globe with a variety of different social backgrounds and enjoyed many and varied conversations with them via Twitter and their own blogs. I’ve always tried to respond to comments on my blog, but admit I can sometimes be a bit lax in that. I’ve always offered an open door policy should anyone I follow need support. I’ve followed celebrities on Twitter who from time to time I have tweeted in response to something they have said but with no expectation of a response in return. Where I have entered into debates on subjects with other people I have done my best to show respect for their right to an opinion, even if I do not agree with that opinion. Most of the time I have kept my opinion to myself. I’ve reserved my scorn and contempt for those politicians who offer only scorn and contempt to the electorate. I’ve unfollowed people if they have followed then unfollowed me to boost their numbers, if they are no longer actively tweeting, if I no longer share their field of interest or if their viewpoint is so set in stone that I am no longer comfortable following them. I’ve only ever blocked the spammers and one person whose arrogance far exceeds their abilities.
I recognise now that my standards fall far below what is expected in modern social media etiquette. Quite simply those standards are old fashioned. I have let you down and I cannot apologise enough.
To rectify the situation and rebuild your trust in me I will with immediate effect treat you all with the same scorn and contempt that I reserve for the politicians. Whereas previously I may have been slightly envious of your talent yet pleased for your success I will now be bitterly resentful. I will write critical blog posts and tweets about you. I will block anyone if they do not agree with me 100%. I pledge to disagree with everything you say and do my utmost to start an argument over it. I promise to be as highly offended as I can by any of your opinions as I see fit. I will do my best to blacken and twist those opinions sufficently that others will form a negative opinion of you. As I adapt to modern social media etiquette from now on the open door will be slammed firmly shut in your face under a new “fuck you!” policy. I will go out of my way to leave rude and outright obnoxious comments in your twitter feeds and on your blog posts for the sheer hell of it. I will insult you at every opportunity I get and I will actively encourage others to do the same. I will insult members of your family. I will insult your character and your integrity. I will insult you about your sexuality.
Above all, I promise to do everything within my power to make your experience on social media so miserable that you will close your Twitter account down or stop blog posting altogether. Ideally both. After all under modern social media etiquette my opinion is right and yours is completely wrong.
And I promise I will never mention Article 19 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights nor attach a link to it here.
That would be old fashioned.